How The Grinch Stole Gaming
by I’m Board! Games & Family Fun, with a little help from Dr. Seuss
Every Who down in Who-ville liked gaming a lot…
But the Grinch, who lived just north of Who-ville, did NOT!
The Grinch hated gaming! The whole gaming hobby!
And if you ask why he’ll just start acting snobby.
It could be he grew up with UNO and Sorry!
It could be that all he played was Monopoly.
But I think what started him downwardly spinning,
May have been that he only liked games when he’s winning.
Whatever the reason, his past or his ‘tude,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Who down in Who-ville below,
Was busy now, passing ’round Sushi Go!
“And they’re pushing their meeples!” he snarled without care,
“Tomorrow is Christmas! More games will be there!”
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
For tomorrow, he knew, all the Who sirs and dames,
Would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their games!
And then! They’d read rules! They’d sort cards!
They’d punch cardboard and chits!
And they’d organize all of their boxes and bits!
Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down round their boards.
And they’d talk! And they’d joke! And pretend they had swords!
They would think, and converse, and not care who would win.
Which the Grinch thought must be the ultimate sin!
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Would get all together together, with Christmas tunes jamming.
They’d get a cool beverage. And they’d start party gaming!
And the more the Grinch thought of this Who Christmas play,
The more the Grinch thought, “I must stop this today!”
“Why, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this gaming from happening! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Grinch laughed in the snow.
And he fired up his laptop (he’s a hacker, you know).
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy gem!”
“With this virus and program I’m sure to distract them!”
“All I need is some wifi…” The Grinch looked around.
But, since coverage was scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said,
“If I can’t find a backdoor, I’ll make one instead!”
So he called his dog, Max, a great engineer,
And they installed lots of boosters so signals were clear.
Then he fired up his app and flipped to Send mode,
And injected his virus with some pretty swift code.
Then the Grinch said, “Begin!” and keyed Alt-Tab-Enter,
And he ran down to town, like some crazy inventor.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he got to the first little house on the square.
“This is stop number one,” his old Grinchy face hissed,
And he climbed though the window, iPad clenched in his fist.
Then he slunk ’round the house, quiet as a tomb.
Finding every electronic within every room.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
When one old computer had a funky weird screw.
He gathered them up and opened their cases.
“Oh man,” he grinned, “I can’t wait to see all their faces!”
Then he tinkered and worked, deleting their spam,
Among every box, and he installed every program!
Facebook! Twitter! Pandora! And Steam!
Instagram! Snapchat! Foursquare! And Vine!
He unlocked every app. Then the Grinch, with great care,
Entered free passcodes for every software!
Then he slunk to the TV. He installed PS4s!
He gave them an X-Box! And top-notch controllers!
He geared up that house and he geared it up quick.
Why, he even unlocked HBO, Showtime, and Netflix!
Then he shut down the consoles and chuckled without shame.
“And NOW!” grinned the Grinch, “I will take every game!”
And the Grinch grabbed the games, slinking out like a thief,
When he heard a small sound like a falling Fall leaf.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.
The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter,
Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, “Excuse me, but why,”
“Why are you gathering all our board games up? Why?”
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” he sure hoped she believed,
“There are cards in these games that have yet to be sleeved.”
“So I’m taking them home to my workshop, my dear.”
“I’ll sleeve them up there. Then I’ll bring them back here.”
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when CindyLou Who went to bed without doubt,
He went to the window and tossed the games out!
Then the last thing he did to make victory a cinch,
Was to leave a small note: “Have Fun!” signed, “The Grinch.”
And the one speck of floor that was left in the place,
He filled with the new surround sound’s sweet bass.
Then he did the same thing to the other Whos’ places,
Using up floorspace with all those sweet basses!
It was quarter past dawn… All the Whos, still asleep,
All the Whos, still asnooze when he packed up his jeep,
Packed it up with their boardgames! The card games! The dice!
The rulebooks! And jigsaws! The binders! Not nice!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
“PoohPooh to the Whos!” he was grinchishly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no gaming is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! This is going to be fine!”
“They’ll open their eyes and their hearts will just shine ,
Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all go online!”
“That’s a sound,” grinned the Grinch, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t buzzy! Why, it wasn’t distracting!
It couldn’t be so! But they were all interacting!
He stared down at Who-ville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Was gaming! Without any presents at all!
He HADN’T stopped gaming from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
“They’re making up rules! They’re playing charades!”
“They’re creating new games out of boxes and bags!”
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe gaming,” he thought, “isn’t about keeping score.”
“Maybe gaming…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
And what happened then? Well…in Who-ville they say,
That the Grinch’s bad attitude shifted that day!
And the minute he didn’t feel quite so uptight,
He whizzed with those games through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the games! And the helped set them up!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch, threw the score-keeping out!